put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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