His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
