Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
