you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
now i know why i became what i already was.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
