Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
