the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
