my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
