apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
