I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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