It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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