feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You are a genius and a whore.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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