I heard we made out
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
