They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if only i could text you this smell
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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