Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I touched a dick in church today
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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