if you like me you must not know who I am
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
