funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
