it was like his penis was on wheels.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
