dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
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They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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