I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
