On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
