The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
