Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
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I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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