dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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