Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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