I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
