Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
