one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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