every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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