Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We need to rekindle our bromance
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
