i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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