dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
