I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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