in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
