There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm passing your future prison.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
