My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
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tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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