1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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