If that was your dad, he is hot
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
