Whod you bang
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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