His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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