We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
