Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
