why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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