alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
