I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
