i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
