three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
