you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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