dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize