I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
