What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
