what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
