Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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