I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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