If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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