dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
