If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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