I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
