Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize