I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
