he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
