i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
