it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
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She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
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tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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