Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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