yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
